Thursday, July 15, 2010

PCB Hires Paul

July16, Berlin, Germany - In a fiercely competitive bidding for the annual rights for Paul the Octopus, the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) emerged victorious by defeating BCCI in the tie breaker round. The actual bidding process held under closed doors at the Berlin Grand in Potsdamer Platz and spread over 14 hours involved some of the biggest names in the industry as well as some of the leading organizations throughout the world including Donald Trump, The US Department of Defence and a consortium of the 4 leading I-Banks in the world.
Bookies had bet heavily on Goldman Sachs winning the auction but surprisingly Goldmann Sachs bowed out in the second round of bidding itself. Goldman Sachs decided to enter the auction independently unlike the 4 other leading I-Banks which had entered the field as a consortium. The huge bets on Goldman Sachs had been propelled by an article in the Bloomberg News which had reported that Goldman Sachs had won the auction.
PCB auctioned of Ayesha Gilani (Miss Pakistan 2009) along with half the GDP of Pakistan in the tie breaker round which left the other contender, the BCCI clueless and in effect sealed the deal. Till then it had been a close fight between the two boards, whose parent nations are involved in proxy war off the cricket field. The bidding seemed to have taken an interesting twist in the penultimate round when rumours spread that the PCB had been asked to withdraw their bids else the US would impose economic sanctions on the strife ridden country. After a couple of hours harakiri, the US Department of Defence backed out citing 'highly classified' reasons setting the field open for the two subcontinental cricket boards to clash in the tie breaker.
In a fashion much similar to the Spanish Football Team who decided to rename Paul as Pablo, the PCB has decided to rechristen Paul as Paulad, after the mystical Islamic hero Poulad. When asked about how Paul the Octopus will be used, the PCB chief Ijaz Butt replied ”Paul will be an important part of our WC 2011 strategy. His primary responsibility will be to select the captain of our national cricket team. The other options which we are exploring are team selections, selections of match venue for the home test between Lords and the Oval.". A leading cricketer, popular among his mates for his love for Indian tennis players, revealed that PCB is also planning to use Paul for the Disciplinary Committee. Whether a player will be banned, fined or left untouched will be taken care by Paul from now onwards. Paul will also be deciding whether the ban can be revoked or needs to be extended.
Shahid Afridi left no stone unturned to mark his displeasure on the appointment of Paul as the chief selector. In his interview to cricket-without-balls he told “Why do we need to have a Octopus for it when we already have an established lottery system for it that has been vastly successful over the past 50 years.” This reaction was on expected lines as Paul had revealed last summer that the real age of Shahid Afridi was 41. Pakistan armed forces chief, Ashfaq Kiyyani has issued a national statement on behalf of the people of Pakistan that they are more than happy to welcome Paul in the country. He seemed to be in a very jovial mood as he even joked about using Paul to solve the Kashmir issue.
On the other end of the spectrum, it was a heartbreak for the BCCI. The BCCI had made grand plans about using Paul as its brand ambassador apart from its regular duties that would have included determining whether Sreesanth would be selected as a player or a cheerleader, choosing sponsors for the Indian cricket team and the distribution of TV rights.

Dhoni’s wife Sakshi Rawat is also disappointed since she was eager to meet the great Paul and invite him to dinner in their newly decorated home. Rakhi Sawant similar to Sakshi, from whose name Rakhi Sawant can be derived has also expressed her disappointment that she was ready with a special item number for his welcome (conspicuously titled "paul paul dil ke paas tum rehte ho"). But the biggest setback yet has been to the BJP, who were planning to use Paul with the aid of Sharad Pawar to decide whether 'To Modi' or 'not to Modi'. The RSS has registered its protest through an online petition “bring Paul home” while Mamta has called for 3 days bandh in Kolkata to create pressure on central and state and neighbor and local and municipal and even governments of the neighbouring countries. In between all this, Meneka Gandhi is still continuing her fast against cruelty against Paul through her animal rights organization.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Tendulkar 169 v South Africa, Cape Town, 1996-97; Almanack Report

Toss: South Africa. Test debut: D. Ganesh.

A stand of 222 between Tendulkar and Azharuddin not only averted another abbreviated Test but illuminated the game with its sheer brilliance and aggression in the face of adversity. It occupied just 40 overs. Azharuddin, scoring 115 in 110 balls, with 19 fours and a six, provided the major share. But Tendulkar kept going to save India from following on and was last out, after nearly six hours, to an outstanding catch by Bacher at deep mid wicket.

India were 58 for five when Tendulkar and Azharuddin came together, replying to South Africa's highest total since isolation. It included three centuries. The first, from Kirsten, took nearly five hours; chastened by escapes at nought and ten, he avoided risks, yet batted positively, keeping in step with Cullinan during a partnership of 114. Srinath and Prasad had bowled splendidly when fresh but, once they tired, the attack was innocuous, and a firm, true pitch encouraged aggression. Kirsten was eventually run out off a no-ball and early on the second day South Africa, at 299 for six, were not safe.

But the limited Indian attack stalled as McMillan and Richardson put on 83 before the No. 9, Klusener, launched a spectacular century - 102 in 100 balls, the fastest recorded in terms of balls by a South African Test player - with 13 fours and two pulled sixes. Klusener and McMillan, who also reached a valuable hundred, put on 147, breaking a 94-year-old South African eighth-wicket record. Klusener had not finished. Before the close, he ran out Raman and had experimental opener Dravid playing on. Night-watchman Prasad lasted only one ball against Adams. In the first over next morning, Ganguly steered Donald to second slip. Laxman, after an uneasy half-hour, deflected Pollock down the leg side.

That was the start of the Tendulkar-Azharuddin stand, whose tone belied India's desperate plight. Azharuddin, free of the responsibilities of the captaincy, played the more exotic - and often unorthodox - shots; Tendulkar was more orderly, but attacked in a grand manner. In a six-over spell after lunch, Klusener was hit for 30 and South Africa were forced on to the defensive. Azharuddin constantly took risks and, with the stand at 197, Cronje held a skimming drive at extra cover, but, landing on his elbows, lost his grip. A run later, Tendulkar played a square cut to gully which a juggling Hudson muffed. But an over or two of restraint caused Azharuddin to fret, and he ran himself out with India 50 short of saving the follow-on. Tendulkar averted it with two wickets standing. Strangely, one of the most enjoyable of all Test cricketing afternoons was also a short one. The lunch interval was extended by 15 minutes because the early part of the break had been taken up by a lengthy presentation of the players to President Mandela, who warmly expressed his support for cricket's contribution to the new South Africa. In extreme heat the fielders needed all the rest they could get.

India's recovery continued as they captured three wickets for only 33, but partnerships between Hudson and Cullinan and then McMillan and Pollock played them out of the match. Cronje's declaration, 426 ahead, left South Africa a minimum of 118 overs to bowl India out, but they needed only 67. The openers - this time, Raman and Mongia - were again easy meat and all the middle order played careless shots.

Man of the Match: B. M. McMillan. Attendance: 74,009.

Close of play: First day, South Africa 280-4 (W. J. Cronje 35*, B. M. McMillan 13*); Second day, India 29-3 (S. C. Ganguly 19*, S. R. Tendulkar 1*); Third day, South Africa 24-2 (A. C. Hudson 7*, L. Klusener 10*); Fourth day, India 52-3 (S. C. Ganguly 11*, S. R. Tendulkar 6*).

Tendulkar 155 not out v Australia, Chennai, 1997-98 ; Almanack Report

Toss: India. Test debuts: Harvinder Singh; G. R. Robertson.

The head-to-head contest between Sachin Tendulkar and Shane Warne was the key to this opening encounter. Warne's quick conquest of Tendulkar in the first innings gave Australia the initial advantage. But Tendulkar retaliated so devastatingly in the second, scoring 155 not out, that India were able to declare with a lead of 347, and 105 overs to bowl Australia out on a spinners' pitch. They had three men out overnight and won in comfort on the final afternoon.

On the first day, Tendulkar had been as much a victim of Warne's guile as of his own daring. He drove his first ball with scorching power past the bowler. But the fifth dipped as he rushed forward, and turned to take the edge of his flailing bat; Taylor completed a marvellous slip catch. In the second innings, however, when Tendulkar scored his third and highest century in seven Tests against Australia, he was as severe on Warne as on the rest. Warne followed up his first-innings four for 85 with a deflating one for 122. Tendulkar's belligerence was awesome and his shot-placement enthralling.

Both sides batted erratically at their first attempt. After an opening stand of 122 between Sidhu and Mongia, three Indian wickets went down for eight and the last five for ten. They were saved because Dravid batted four hours and built respectable stands with Azharuddin and Kumble. On a bare pitch of little pace, the quick bowlers could only contain. But it readily offered purchase to spin and was so generous with lift that Mongia was wearing a helmet to keep to Kumble by the second day. Warne and the tall debutant off-spinner Gavin Robertson skilfully exploited the batsmen's indiscretions. Each picked up four wickets; Robertson struck back admirably after being severely mauled by Sidhu in his maiden Test spell.

In reply, Australia stumbled to 137 for six: only Mark Waugh, who lasted three hours, batted with distinction. They were hauled back into the game by the indomitable Healy. He made a fighting 90, and put on 96 with Robertson, splendidly accomplished for a No. 10. They looked so much at ease as they set up a lead of 71 that the pitch seemed to have dozed off.

This impression stayed when India resumed on the third evening. Warne had already been softened up by Sidhu before Tendulkar came in at 115 for two. He and Dravid almost doubled that. Then, when Australia rather fortuitously prised Dravid out, Azharuddin joined Tendulkar to pound a wilting attack for another 127 runs in even time, a stand reminiscent of their epic in Cape Town 14 months earlier. In all, Tendulkar batted for 286 minutes and 191 balls, and struck 14 fours and four sixes.

Azharuddin's declaration gave Australia 15 overs on the fourth evening, in which India grabbed three wickets. Slater drove expansively at Srinath and played on; Kumble had Blewett caught at silly point; and Taylor bottom-edged a pull on to his pad and was caught on the ricochet.

These disasters extinguished Australia's hopes of winning. But a calm start on the final morning did raise their prospects for survival before four wickets fell for 42 runs. All four batsmen looked displeased and television suggested three decisions were harsh and the fourth dubious. The umpires did have a difficult task with the ball turning the fielders clustered round the bat; referee van der Merwe, who had reprimanded Mongia for excessive appealing earlier, took no action now, attributing the Australians' reactions to more disappointment.

But with seven down at lunch, Australia were sunk. Again, Healy batted as if to gag the proverbial fat lady; he was undefeated after an hour and a half when Kumble completed victory with his eighth wicket of the match.

Man of the Match: S. R. Tendulkar.

Close of play: First day, India 232-5 (R. Dravid 42*, A. Kumble 19*); Second day, Australia 193-7 (I. A. Healy 31*, S. K. Warne 13*); Third day, India 100-1 (N. S. Sidhu 55*, R. Dravid 18*); Fourth day, Australia 31-3 (P. R. Reiffel 0*).

Tendulkar 114 v Australia, Perth, 1991-92 ; Almanack Report

Toss: Australia.

Tom Moody made a triumphant return as the final Test brought another resounding victory. The substitution of the uncapped opener Wayne Philips (no relation to the former Test opener of the same name) for Marsh was less successful. But another newcomer, the fast-medium Paul Reiffel, was preferred to a spinner on the WACA pitch and he assisted in the demolition of India's second innings by Whitney, who returned match figures of 11 for 95.

Though India took only four wickets on the first day, they restricted Australia to 222 runs. Once again Boon, who completed his third hundred of the series early on the second day, shored up the innings. Prabhakar, who bowled with great heart, accounted for Boon and Moody in 40 minutes on the second morning. But as the ball lost its shine, the last four wickets added 87 and Healy collected his 1,000th Test run, to go with his 100th Test dismissal earlier in the series. Srikkanth's five catches in the innings, four in bat-pad positions, earned him a fourth share in the Test record for fielders.

India's bedrock was a captivating 114 from Tendulkar from 161 balls with 16 fours, the bulk of them square cuts. He came in at 69 for two and was ninth out at 240, after 228 minutes, and a record ninth-wicket stand for India against Australia, of 81, with More. On the third morning, as he ran out of partners, he scored his second 50 from 55 balls. While Hughes and Whitney shared the bowling honours, McDermott's two wickets took him past the series record for an Australian against India, jointly held by Richie Benaud and Alan Davidson with 29. In his second spell of Australia's second innings, Kapil Dev claimed his 400th wicket when Taylor was lbw. With Australia's overall lead just 105, the match was still wide open, until Boon, Jones and Moody - who shared 173 for the fourth wicket - put it out of India's reach. Jones, who had disappointed hitherto, batted discreetly but positively for an unbeaten 150 in 265 balls while Moody, lethal off the front foot, took 101 from 149 balls.

India were left a minimum of 107 overs to chase 442. With McDermott enervated by a stiff neck, Srikkanth and Sidhu started briskly, and on the final morning took their stand to 82, India's highest opening partnership of the series. Yet less than two hours after Reiffel broke it with his maiden Test wicket, Australia were winners. Whitney, brought on 40 minutes before lunch, toppled seven batsmen in 8.5 overs, while conceding 26 runs. Five of his victims were caught in the arc between wicket-keeper and gully, as were both of Reiffel's including the prize wicket of Tendulkar.

Man of the Match: M. R. Whitney.
Attendance: 30,908.

Man of the Series: C. J. McDermott.

Close of play: First day, Australia 222-4 (D. C. Boon 91*, T. M. Moody 42*); Second day, India 135-5 (S. R. Tendulkar 31*, S. L. V. Raju 1*); Third day, Australia 104-2 (D. C. Boon 35*, D. M. Jones 34*); Fourth day, India 55-0 (Srikkanth 26*, N. S. Sidhu 24*).

Tendulkar 119, England v India 1990; Almanack Report

Toss: England. Test debuts: India - A.Kumble.

Of the six individual centuries scored in this fascinating contest, none was more outstanding than Tendulkar's, which rescued India on the final afternoon. At 17 years and 112 days, he was only 30 days older than Mushtaq Mohammad was when, against India at Delhi in 1960-61, he became the youngest player to score a Test hundred, More significantly, after several of his colleagues had fallen to reckless strokes, Tendulkar held the England attack at bay with a disciplined display of immense maturity.

India were placed on the defensive once Gooch chose to bat first. The Old Trafford groundsman, Peter Marron, wrong-footed by a cold change in the weather after watering, had predicted even bounce but little pace, and England quickly grasped the opportunity. Leading an unchanged side, Gooch put on 73 untroubled runs with Atherton in the first hour, and India soon resorted to their leg-spinners, Hirwani and Kumble, the latter replacing seamer Sharma from the team at Lord's. They slowed down England's progress, but could do little to prevent a 225-run opening partnership, which overtook by 21 runs the record Gooch and Atherton had set at Lord's a fortnight earlier. In scoring 116, Gooch became the first English batsman for nineteen years to record centuries in three successive Test innings, but on the day he was eclipsed by his junior partner. In five and a half hours, Atherton carefully constructed 131, exactly matching the feat of G. Pullar, the only other Lancastrian to score a Test century for England at Old Trafford, against India 31 years earlier. Smith batted for just over four hours, passing his century during a last-wicket partnership of 60 with Malcolm, an unexpectedly supportive ally, as England reached 519.

The loss of three quick wickets for 57 to the seam movement of Fraser, in the final hour of the second day, placed India in immediate peril. On Saturday, however, they were rescued in style by their captain, Azharuddin, and Manjrekar, whose fourth-wicket stand of 189 set the pace for an entertaining day's play in which 355 runs were scored. Manjrekar made 93 in three and three-quarter hours before falling to a bat-pad catch at silly point off the tireless Hemmings, but Azharuddin could not be stopped so easily. In a breathtaking 281-minute stay for 179, he hit 21 fours and a six, and between lunch and tea he became the first player to score 100 runs for India in a Test session. After he had miscued a drive off Fraser to Atherton, the second new ball accounted for most of the remaining Indian batting, although Tendulkar, after taking 54 minutes to get off the mark, gave warning of his talents in scoring 68 from 136 balls to reduce the England lead to just 87.

As England's second innings began on the fourth morning, Gooch suffered a rare failure in a rich summer, departing for 7. But Atherton added a further 74 to his first-innings hundred, and a winning position was achieved through the efforts of Lamb. Earlier in the game he had looked out of his depth against the Indian spinners, but, relishing the challenge, he hit Hirwani for two successive sixes early on, and his 109 from 141 balls, followed by Smith's unbeaten 61, allowed Gooch to declare 25 minutes into the final day.

To win and square the series, India were offered a minimum of 88 overs in which to score 408, 2 runs more than their own record for the highest winning total by a side batting second in a Test. From the seventh ball of their innings, when Sidhu was brilliantly caught off Fraser by the substitute, Adams, at short leg, it looked a tall order. On a slowly wearing pitch Hemmings produced just enough deviation to have both Manjrekar and Azharuddin caught in the leg trap - but it was the gay abandon of three senior Indian batsmen which might have set Tendulkar a bad example. Shastri dragged a wide ball on to his stumps, Vengsarkar offered no stroke to Lewis, and Kapil Dev sallied down the pitch to Hemmings.

When the all-rounder, Prabhakar, joined Tendulkar, India were 183 for six and there were two and half hours of the match remaining. Gooch crowded the bat and shuffled his bowlers like a croupier, but England were to be denied by their own mistakes. Hemmings put down a simple return catch when Tendulkar was 10, and Gooch failed to get a hand at second slip to a chance offered by Prabhakar. England could ill afford such lapses, and the pair had seen India to safety when the game was halted with two of the final twenty overs still to be bowled.

Tendulkar remained undefeated on 119, having batted for 224 minutes and hit seventeen fours. He looked the embodiment of India's famous opener, Gavaskar, and indeed was wearing a pair of his pads. While he displayed a full repertoire of strokes in compiling his maiden Test hundred, most remarkable were his off-side shots from the back foot. Though only 5ft 5in tall, he was still able to control without difficulty short deliveries from the English paceman.

Man of the Match: S. R. Tendulkar. Attendance: 42,424; receipts £521,100.

Close of play: First day, England 322-3 (A. J. Lamb 20*, R. C. Russell 7*); Second day, India 77-3 (S. V. Manjrekar 21*, M. Azharuddin 4*); Third day, India 432; Fourth day, England 290-4 (R. A. Smith 49*, J. E. Morris 15*).

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Kick it up a notch

Cricketers who wouldn't be half-bad at football

Kevin Pietersen
Trophy wife? Check.

Shahid Afridi
Footballers need to be light and nimble on their feet. Shahid Afridi is light and nimble on his feet. You should have seen him back in 2005, doing the fandango all over the Faisalabad pitch, with spikes on.

Colin Cowdrey and Peter May
For their dexterous and skilful use of their legs to play the cricket ball during their epic stand of 411 against West Indies in 1957.

MS Dhoni
He used to be a goalie, you know.

Ross Taylor
He hates going off side, you know.

Every fast bowler in the world
Why use your hands when your feet will do? The likes of Munaf Patel have been endorsing this fine philosophy for years on the boundary, sticking a boot out at the ball as it hurries by - with mixed results, but of course it's the thought that counts.

For the requisite drama, breast-beating and on-field crying, general acting ability, and full-on lunacy that make footie the world's greatest game, you need cricket's greatest showman bar none.

James Anderson
If you think cricket's short of sensitive, well-coiffed, immaculately moisturised metrosexuals like David Beckham, you've got another think coming.

Yuvraj Singh
With Yuvi in the side you know the gratuitous-diving department is in good hands. Oh wait, that was three years ago.

Kamran Akmal
Without a good goalkeeper, a football side is nothing.

Ricky Ponting
What do you mean spitting is not close enough to dribbling?

Ashish Nehra
Cricketers with experience of having their shirts tugged would naturally be an asset in football. Not only did our Nehra allegedly recently get his shirt pulled in the course of an alleged brawl in an alleged restaurant in the West Indies, he got it pulled so forcefully, it tore.

Michael Holding
Back in 1979, Mikey displayed a fetching ability to kick, as the photograph above will testify, and to look graceful and balletic while doing it.

Brian Close
Speaking of Holding, how can one forget Closey? Shoulders, chest, head - he used them all to play the cricket ball.

Andrew Flintoff and Sourav Ganguly
What does cricket need to make it more like football? A display of manboobs at the end of games, of course.

Chris Lewis
Cocaine? Lewis was caught with enough to keep Diego Maradona happy for a year of Sundays, back in the day.

Andrew Symonds
He has a way with a tackle, in more ways than one.

Mitchell Johnson
Johnson gently applied his head to Scott Styris' helmet grille during a game in New Zealand last year. However, lest Zinedine Zidane fans get all misty-eyed, it was not, repeat not, a head-butt. "The only thing I'm quite annoyed about is that it has been classed as a head-butt," Mitch declared. "I'm not that silly. I'm not going to head-butt someone who has a helmet on."


Cut That out

In order to preserve his ailing body and ensure he maintains himself for the long haul, Prince Brendon McCullum has given up wicketkeeping. It is a brave move for someone with a Test batting average of 34, but the Prince has never lacked confidence. If this works there could be a spate of players doing the same thing. Because players are too divergent with their energies in this day and age, they need to focus their chakras and their body-mind interface to get the personal momentum you need to be a winner. Here are a few who could shed some of their workload in order to prolong or improve their careers.

Chris Gayle
Being cool
You hear it all the time, the man is effortlessly cool. Nonsense. I don't care who it is - Johnny Cash included - there is effort in being cool. How much effort? Well, at least 10% of his life must go towards being cool, if not more. He could start by giving up the designer sunnies, get a short back-and-sides haircut and stop looking like nothing is bothering him. With that extra 10% he could run between the wickets like Mike Hussey, and you don't need to be cool to be Mike Hussey.

Graeme Swann
Any cricket fans on the social-networking micro-blogging platform know how important Swann is to it. Sehwag - prophet of Sehwagology that he is - is rather boring, Michael Clarke's tweets have never reached the heady heights of dull, and pictures of Sulieman Benn on a motorcycle are enjoyable, but not fulfilling. Swann obviously puts time and effort into his tweeting. Coming up with witty one-liners and new ways to abuse Tim Bresnan. While this is great for us, if he was to cut Twitter out of his life, he could learn how to play short-pitched bowling and become a real allrounder.

Lasith Malinga
Kissing the ball
It seems like such a small thing, but Malinga's ball-kissing must be taking so much out of his game. You could say it is the one reason he is no longer a Test bowler. Think of all the disgusting things on that ball, Murali's sweat, other bowlers' spit, possible bird droppings and the manure they use to fertilise grass. All this must eat away at the mental side of Malinga's game. In the shorter formats this might not be a problem, but in a Test match he might have to do this over 150 times a day: 150 times a day he is kissing a ball that just got rubbed all over Dilshan's crotch. That is too much for any man.

Sulieman Benn
Annoying everyone
No one can annoy like Benn. Batsmen, umpires and his own captain are the usual subjects. In the history of cricket there have been few players who can get under the skin of players on both sides so brilliantly. But this is a skill. Skills need time, patience and hard work. While being the annoying spinner can work - Paul Harris has made a career from it - Benn can actually bowl. If he spent all the time he usually uses on annoying people on bowling, wow, the man could be a cult hero spin-bowling god, the Manute Bol of finger spin. And he wouldn't get sent off the field by his captain as much.

Daniel Vettori
Coaching, selecting, running New Zealand, writing press releases, peeling oranges and everything else
For some the term "allrounder" means that there are two reasons why their country could pick them. For Dan Vettori it means he does absolutely everything his country needs of him. It is a good thing New Zealand isn't in a war, as Dan would be feeding the soldiers, driving the tanks and sorting out strategy. If Dan gave up just 12 of his out-of-cricket tasks, he could be an even better "allrounder" than he is now. Then he could probably play cricket until he is 43.

AB de Villiers
Guitar-based pop
I'm sure you don't need to be reminded of the sweet pop stylings of AB's song "Show Them Who You Are". It is on your mobile music apparatus on constant repeat. As obviously talented as AB must be, making the perfect tune still takes time away from cricket. Imagine how great a batsman he could be if he just put down the guitar. With his hands now free, he could spend time with them in keeping gloves - you know, just in case.

Other players who could give up things to improve their careers: Shahid Afridi could give up his day job as a comedian. Mitchell Johnson could give up his mother. Ryan Sidebottom could give up being stroppy. And even Ravi Shastri could give up saying the phrase "tracer bullet".

Note: the Article is written byJarrod Kimber, the mind responsible for, is an Australian writer based in London. His new book is now on sale

Intikhab Alam declares the Pakistan Cricket Team is Mentally Retarded and insults all those with mental handicaps

It is a big claim. Some accuse them of being shit, some of being match fixers, some of being shit match fixers, but mentally retarded, wow.

Let us look at Mental Retardation with some help from Wikipedia:

Delays in oral language development

Well Mohammad Asif called Shane Watson a “bloody white”. If you have been playing cricket for this many years and “bloody white” is the best insult you can give to Shane Watson I would say you have a delay in Oral devolpment.

Deficits in memory skills

Shoaib Malik seemed to forget he was married. I’m married, and I remember it. So I would say his memory is not really that skilful.

Difficulty learning social rules

Don’t bite the ball. Don’t take opiates through an airport. Don’t fuck unclean women with Genital warts. Don’t leave a game of cricket mid way through. Don’t dance on a good length. Don’t match fix. Don’t match fix in Essex. Are these all social rules, probably.

Difficulty with problem solving skills

When bowling to Mike Hussey Pakistan either move the field out so he can put on a test winning partnership, or bowl length balls from spinners to see how far he can hit them. If Michael Hussey is a problem, Pakistan have not solved it.

Delays in the development of adaptive behaviors such as self-help or self-care skills

Kamran Akmal’s keeping in Sydney shows that he has no self care or self help skills. If he was a small child a parent would have stepped in to help.

Lack of social inhibitors

I think this has been covered.

An Intelligence Quotient score under 70

Moyo’s captaincy?

According to Wiki Mental Retardation has various classes.

Class IQ
Profound mental retardation Below 20
Severe mental retardation 20–34
Moderate mental retardation 35–49
Mild mental retardation 50–69
Borderline intellectual functioning 70–84

Alam never stated which exact class the Pakistani players are in.

Wiki goes on to say, “there is no “cure” for an established disability, though with appropriate support and teaching, most individuals can learn to do many things.”

I’ve known semi functional Mentally Retarded people before, it is unfair to give Pakistan that label, they are hardly functional.

Note: The article is written by Jarrod Kimber, the mind responsible for, is an Australian writer based in London. His new book is now on sale