Word of the Day

Shahid Afridi Years (noun; abv. - SAY; etymo - Cricinfo)

It is a system of measurement of unit (like the SI and CGS system) used to quantify age. It can range from 1.14 times 3.142 times the actual age depending on mood, climate, opposition, current chairman of PCB as well as current exchange rate.

Of late the term has entered colloquial usage.

Example :
At a social event:
Host - "Welcome Mrs. Anderson... You look really fabulous. Nobody can tell that you are a mother two"
Wannabe Socialite Aunty - "Ohh.. come one Mr. Clark .. I am just 29"
Disgruntled Trophy Husband - (thinking to himself) "Yeah Right ! Only in Shahid Afridi Years"

Did sun rise in the west ?

The sun did rise from the West. Why on earth would Ashish Nehra even come out to bat at 9 !!

Today was a day when Dharmasena gave 3 horrendous decisions. My mind went back to 2008 when he had given out Sachin LBW thrice (all of which turned out to be wrong !) . Why is he still on the ICC Panel ? More importantly why did he even consider becoming an umpire ?
A look at Dharmasena's record against India gives us the answer to the second ques... He tried all that he could to dismiss Indian batsmen but to no avail. He tried more and still failed. And then one day he tried 'Mentos'. His 'dimaag ki batti jal gayi'. There's a simpler way to get Indian batsmen out. Lets become an umpire !

And what is Ravindra Jadeja still doing in the team ?

Of Cricket and Natural Disasters !

Friends... This is going to be a short post.

A few weeks ago, I came across an article (I can't recollect the source!) on the state of politics in India. It was more in tune with that of a political satire and had little to do with cricket. But a line in the opening paragraph just stayed with me, which I would like to share ....

"...... India is on the cusp of ........ God has been very unfair on India. It has blessed India with poverty, inequality, illiteracy, corruption, natural disasters and Sreesanth........."

courtesy - Apologies for not being able to recollect the source

Pak Recruitment drive

Waqar unveiled the poster.

"Top-order batsmen, we want YOU for the Pakistan cricket team," it read.

"Any takers so far?" asked Salman Butt. "Please say there are."

"We had one bloke in for a look," said Waqar. "He's a student, lives in Birmingham. Opens the batting for Perry Bar Thirds in their Tuesday League. He'd definitely be an improvement on what we've got."

"Nice," said Salman. "Ask him if he's free for the next two Tests?"

"Nothing doing," said Waqar. "He's going on holiday to Butlin's in Minehead with his mum and dad."

"Mum and dad? How old is he?"

"He's 12," said Waqar.

"Shahid Afridi years or real years?" asked Salman.

"Real, unfortunately," said Waqar. "His mum and dad won't let him go all the way down to London on his own."

"Shame," said Salman. "What else?"

"Well, we had this girl in, about seven she was. She wasn't bad. Decent defence, plenty of ticker. Rounders is more her game, really. But it's a no-no: some of the lads seen her catching the tennis ball in practice and got a bit intimidated."

"Too right," said Salman. "We can't have the boys being shown up in fielding practice by a seven-year-old girl."

"Yeah, not again," said Waqar. "And get this: she wasn't even scared of the ball."

"Blimey," said Salman. "Impressive stuff. Can she teach the boys? Get her in as fielding coach?"

Waqar nodded and gestured for a pen to make a note. Salman threw one over at him, but it bounced off the edge of the table, rebounded and hit Umar Amin. Umar began to cry.

Salman sighed.

"Anyone else?" he asked

"Well, we've had two more applications. But they sound like a couple of chancers to me: Test averages of 50, played 150 Tests between them."

"Too risky," said Salman.

"Mo something and somebody Kahn," said Waqar.

"Nah," said Salman. "Shot in the dark, innit. Better to get a youngster in."

"Yeah," said the coach. "Actually, the board have sent one lad over."

"Oh yeah?" said Salman. "Any good?"

"Well, he's never played cricket before as such," said Waqar.

"So much the better," said Salman. "He won't have had a chance to be affiliated with any faction."

"That's my thinking."

"We don't want another bloody row on our hands," said Salman. "Umar Akmal's already threatening to go on strike."

"Oh yeah?" said Waqar. "What now?"

"Says that new keeper dropping all the catches is taking a job that could be filled by a union-recognised Akmal," said Salman. "Says we're doing his brother out of a day's work. Reckons it's a striking matter."

"One out, all out?" said Waqar.

"Yeah," said Salman. "Same old story."

Note: Alan Tyers is a freelance journalist based in London. All the quotes and "facts" in this article are made up (but you knew that already, didn't you?)

Cricket this week - 1

Saturday, August 7th
I understand that Pakistan’s representatives at the ICC are seeking to amend the outdated rules on catching. Specifically, they will ask for the whole of Law 32 to be struck from the Laws of Cricket on health and safety grounds. A spokesperson for the PCB claimed that players risked a nasty bruise if they attempted to catch the ball, and abuse from television pundits if they dropped it, and that this constituted a violation of their right not to be laughed at in the workplace.

Sunday, August 8th
Just when you thought things couldn’t get any better for English cricket, it has been revealed that John Buchanan is to help the England players with their Ashes preparations. And big JB is already throwing up some fascinating ideas. For instance, the England management are said to be very keen on his five-captains-per-series proposal and are seriously considering the theories outlined in his bestselling pamphlet, “Setting Your Field the Feng Shui Way”. This innovative approach does away with the traditional method of placing fielders in areas where you expect the ball to go and instead focuses on arranging them at auspicious points on the field, to maximise the flow of cricket energy. Andrew Strauss has already implemented some of these suggestions, refusing to have more than two slips for long periods of the second Test on the grounds that negative energy usually escapes in the direction of third slip. As, from time to time, does the ball.

Monday, August 9th
The fallout from Edgbaston continues. It has emerged that during the tea interval yesterday, England’s prettiest fast bowler approached the ECB’s head nutritionist to ask whether it might be okay if he had some sweeties. Upon being refused on the grounds that f had some sweeties, he wouldn’t want his tea, Sulky Stuart stuck out his bottom lip, stamped his foot and stormed out of the dressing room, insisting that it wasn’t fair, and furthermore that he hated everyone. Broad was later fined half his pocket money and grounded for the rest of the week; punishment that his captain Andrew Strauss feels was over the top. “As everyone knows, it’s the summer holidays and forcing a young lad like Stuey to stay indoors when all his mates are hanging around outside the chip shop is harsh. Adolescent petulance has always been part of his game and if we made him behave like a grown-up, he wouldn’t be able to bowl as fast.”

Tuesday, August 10th
The latest from the Pakistan camp is that coach Waqar is contemplating some radical changes ahead of the third Test. The word is that the top six in the batting order will be dropped and replaced by Mohammad Yousuf. It is believed that top-secret analysis of Pakistan’s performances so far has demonstrated that dropping all these specialist batsmen is likely to have very little effect on the outcome of future games in terms of runs scored or catches taken, whilst it will offer significant savings in hotel and laundry bills and free up much needed bickering space in the dressing room.

Note: Its a part of Andrew Hughes' fan diary

Tendulkar relishes the ache of endurance

It is a record Sachin Tendulkar was expected to break. Opening his innings at the tail-end of the last millennium, no one could spend two decades in the international game and not go past his other peers in terms of the number of Tests played.

In their time, the cricketers whose names will now follow Tendulkar's on this list of iron men were once indefatigable: Steve Waugh, it seemed, would never melt and Allan Border looked like he would never crumble.

Yet after them Tendulkar arrived. As he steps into the P Sara stadium on Tuesday morning, this blazing comet of a cricketer, who batted at a rhythm different from Border and Waugh, will become the last of their kind - the long-surviving Test titan.

Stretch the imagination 22 years ahead and see if you can pick any fresh Test stripling of today - Umar Akmal, Eoin Morgan, Steven Smith, Adrian Barath - to go past 170 Tests.

Other than Bradman's 99.94, Tendulkar now owns the marks that batsmen dream about: most runs and most centuries. If those were about skill, this one, 169 Tests, is about his hunger. More than anything else, it is what has taken him this far and what has given his career a mind-bender of a second wind after the gloom of 2006.

The day before his 169th Test appearance, he described his sport much like Glenn McGrath did, calling it 'simple'. In an interview he had once talked about its more complex layers. "There is not a single boring day," he said, "when you don't learn anything new."

Those could have been the words of a young man in his tenth Test but that was circa 2003. Tendulkar the cricketer has switched effortlessly between youth and maturity. When he turned 18 and was by then an 11-Test veteran, his city's signature tabloid Mid-Day put him on the cover of their Sunday magazine supplement, posing on Marine Drive, dressed in a shirt of riotous colour at the wheel of his first car, a Maruti 800.

A taciturn teenager, far from the confident sage of the 21st century, he had these words of wisdom to offer on his coming of age. "When you are 18," he said, "you're not young anymore." When he had gone two series without a hundred, it was said that far too many allowances were being made for his age. In his third series and his ninth Test, three months after turning 17, he batted at No. 6 just ahead of Manoj Prabhakar and produced the first of his 48 centuries in Manchester. It was expected and it happened. This was the prodigy who fit into his India cap with ease, without open tantrum, controversy or angst.

With 168 Tests, Tendulkar has grown up in public and so appears timeless but he is a different man from the cherub who couldn't hide under the helmet grille. Until the first crack of his bat made the annoucement of intent that is. The noise of the crowd lifted him but in the first half of his career, even when captain, Tendulkar lived with a peculiar strain of white line fever. The competitor on the field was a man of deep reserve when outside its boundaries.

Even though he grew up in a slightly more mellow age - one in which his telephone number could be found by looking for his father's name in the Mumbai telephone directory - he lived with public expectation and dependence like no other teammate peer or contemporary. Still, whatever his inner debates about a youth lived in the open, his batting remained reliably resplendent. As he would himself say, there wasn't a day he wasn't learning, be it how to season a long innings with strokes that had until then belonged to his one-day repertoire or experimenting with what it meant to be anchor over aggressor.

What defined him most sharply as the youngest of men in Indian cricket still remains as he becomes the game's oldest. Before the icon and the brand and the deification and the 37kg coffee table books comes the batsman.

It is as if his mind has always been deliberate, undistracted and his heart, when stepping on the field, full with youthful optimism.

He will prepare for his 169th Test just like he always has, in calculated, thoughtful steps.

During nets on Monday, he would have inspected the P Sara wicket and calibrated all the information into method and shot selection. He described it once: "I look at the wicket and the opposition and analyse their strengths and weaknesses and then pick my shots. These are the shots that will bring me closer to 100 per cent success. You try and minimise your risks. But in spite of that you make mistakes."

Then when back in his room, on his own, he will spend ten minutes on a visualisation, part of his pre-match preparation since he was a school boy. He will see the bowlers before him, the stationing of the field, the feel of the ground, the heat or the breeze, the noise of the crowd, "so when I actually go there in the middle it's the second time I'm going there, not the first".

He may pick up the bat he has carried back with him to his hotel like he does every time and maybe shadow practice a little. Just before his 169th match, he will do all of this, part-drill, part-prayer, equal respect given to practice and providence.

When he goes out on the field, with India creaking at their joints, Sachin Tendulkar will have with him a record that is a reminder not of champagne and glory but the ache of endurance. But he will walk lightly because, like always, he will be the young man of 16.

Sharda Ugra is senior editor at Cricinfo

PCB Hires Paul

July16, Berlin, Germany - In a fiercely competitive bidding for the annual rights for Paul the Octopus, the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) emerged victorious by defeating BCCI in the tie breaker round. The actual bidding process held under closed doors at the Berlin Grand in Potsdamer Platz and spread over 14 hours involved some of the biggest names in the industry as well as some of the leading organizations throughout the world including Donald Trump, The US Department of Defence and a consortium of the 4 leading I-Banks in the world.
Bookies had bet heavily on Goldman Sachs winning the auction but surprisingly Goldmann Sachs bowed out in the second round of bidding itself. Goldman Sachs decided to enter the auction independently unlike the 4 other leading I-Banks which had entered the field as a consortium. The huge bets on Goldman Sachs had been propelled by an article in the Bloomberg News which had reported that Goldman Sachs had won the auction.
PCB auctioned of Ayesha Gilani (Miss Pakistan 2009) along with half the GDP of Pakistan in the tie breaker round which left the other contender, the BCCI clueless and in effect sealed the deal. Till then it had been a close fight between the two boards, whose parent nations are involved in proxy war off the cricket field. The bidding seemed to have taken an interesting twist in the penultimate round when rumours spread that the PCB had been asked to withdraw their bids else the US would impose economic sanctions on the strife ridden country. After a couple of hours harakiri, the US Department of Defence backed out citing 'highly classified' reasons setting the field open for the two subcontinental cricket boards to clash in the tie breaker.
In a fashion much similar to the Spanish Football Team who decided to rename Paul as Pablo, the PCB has decided to rechristen Paul as Paulad, after the mystical Islamic hero Poulad. When asked about how Paul the Octopus will be used, the PCB chief Ijaz Butt replied ”Paul will be an important part of our WC 2011 strategy. His primary responsibility will be to select the captain of our national cricket team. The other options which we are exploring are team selections, selections of match venue for the home test between Lords and the Oval.". A leading cricketer, popular among his mates for his love for Indian tennis players, revealed that PCB is also planning to use Paul for the Disciplinary Committee. Whether a player will be banned, fined or left untouched will be taken care by Paul from now onwards. Paul will also be deciding whether the ban can be revoked or needs to be extended.
Shahid Afridi left no stone unturned to mark his displeasure on the appointment of Paul as the chief selector. In his interview to cricket-without-balls he told “Why do we need to have a Octopus for it when we already have an established lottery system for it that has been vastly successful over the past 50 years.” This reaction was on expected lines as Paul had revealed last summer that the real age of Shahid Afridi was 41. Pakistan armed forces chief, Ashfaq Kiyyani has issued a national statement on behalf of the people of Pakistan that they are more than happy to welcome Paul in the country. He seemed to be in a very jovial mood as he even joked about using Paul to solve the Kashmir issue.
On the other end of the spectrum, it was a heartbreak for the BCCI. The BCCI had made grand plans about using Paul as its brand ambassador apart from its regular duties that would have included determining whether Sreesanth would be selected as a player or a cheerleader, choosing sponsors for the Indian cricket team and the distribution of TV rights.

Dhoni’s wife Sakshi Rawat is also disappointed since she was eager to meet the great Paul and invite him to dinner in their newly decorated home. Rakhi Sawant similar to Sakshi, from whose name Rakhi Sawant can be derived has also expressed her disappointment that she was ready with a special item number for his welcome (conspicuously titled "paul paul dil ke paas tum rehte ho"). But the biggest setback yet has been to the BJP, who were planning to use Paul with the aid of Sharad Pawar to decide whether 'To Modi' or 'not to Modi'. The RSS has registered its protest through an online petition “bring Paul home” while Mamta has called for 3 days bandh in Kolkata to create pressure on central and state and neighbor and local and municipal and even governments of the neighbouring countries. In between all this, Meneka Gandhi is still continuing her fast against cruelty against Paul through her animal rights organization.

Tendulkar 169 v South Africa, Cape Town, 1996-97; Almanack Report

Toss: South Africa. Test debut: D. Ganesh.

A stand of 222 between Tendulkar and Azharuddin not only averted another abbreviated Test but illuminated the game with its sheer brilliance and aggression in the face of adversity. It occupied just 40 overs. Azharuddin, scoring 115 in 110 balls, with 19 fours and a six, provided the major share. But Tendulkar kept going to save India from following on and was last out, after nearly six hours, to an outstanding catch by Bacher at deep mid wicket.

India were 58 for five when Tendulkar and Azharuddin came together, replying to South Africa's highest total since isolation. It included three centuries. The first, from Kirsten, took nearly five hours; chastened by escapes at nought and ten, he avoided risks, yet batted positively, keeping in step with Cullinan during a partnership of 114. Srinath and Prasad had bowled splendidly when fresh but, once they tired, the attack was innocuous, and a firm, true pitch encouraged aggression. Kirsten was eventually run out off a no-ball and early on the second day South Africa, at 299 for six, were not safe.

But the limited Indian attack stalled as McMillan and Richardson put on 83 before the No. 9, Klusener, launched a spectacular century - 102 in 100 balls, the fastest recorded in terms of balls by a South African Test player - with 13 fours and two pulled sixes. Klusener and McMillan, who also reached a valuable hundred, put on 147, breaking a 94-year-old South African eighth-wicket record. Klusener had not finished. Before the close, he ran out Raman and had experimental opener Dravid playing on. Night-watchman Prasad lasted only one ball against Adams. In the first over next morning, Ganguly steered Donald to second slip. Laxman, after an uneasy half-hour, deflected Pollock down the leg side.

That was the start of the Tendulkar-Azharuddin stand, whose tone belied India's desperate plight. Azharuddin, free of the responsibilities of the captaincy, played the more exotic - and often unorthodox - shots; Tendulkar was more orderly, but attacked in a grand manner. In a six-over spell after lunch, Klusener was hit for 30 and South Africa were forced on to the defensive. Azharuddin constantly took risks and, with the stand at 197, Cronje held a skimming drive at extra cover, but, landing on his elbows, lost his grip. A run later, Tendulkar played a square cut to gully which a juggling Hudson muffed. But an over or two of restraint caused Azharuddin to fret, and he ran himself out with India 50 short of saving the follow-on. Tendulkar averted it with two wickets standing. Strangely, one of the most enjoyable of all Test cricketing afternoons was also a short one. The lunch interval was extended by 15 minutes because the early part of the break had been taken up by a lengthy presentation of the players to President Mandela, who warmly expressed his support for cricket's contribution to the new South Africa. In extreme heat the fielders needed all the rest they could get.

India's recovery continued as they captured three wickets for only 33, but partnerships between Hudson and Cullinan and then McMillan and Pollock played them out of the match. Cronje's declaration, 426 ahead, left South Africa a minimum of 118 overs to bowl India out, but they needed only 67. The openers - this time, Raman and Mongia - were again easy meat and all the middle order played careless shots.

Man of the Match: B. M. McMillan. Attendance: 74,009.

Close of play: First day, South Africa 280-4 (W. J. Cronje 35*, B. M. McMillan 13*); Second day, India 29-3 (S. C. Ganguly 19*, S. R. Tendulkar 1*); Third day, South Africa 24-2 (A. C. Hudson 7*, L. Klusener 10*); Fourth day, India 52-3 (S. C. Ganguly 11*, S. R. Tendulkar 6*).

Tendulkar 155 not out v Australia, Chennai, 1997-98 ; Almanack Report

Toss: India. Test debuts: Harvinder Singh; G. R. Robertson.

The head-to-head contest between Sachin Tendulkar and Shane Warne was the key to this opening encounter. Warne's quick conquest of Tendulkar in the first innings gave Australia the initial advantage. But Tendulkar retaliated so devastatingly in the second, scoring 155 not out, that India were able to declare with a lead of 347, and 105 overs to bowl Australia out on a spinners' pitch. They had three men out overnight and won in comfort on the final afternoon.

On the first day, Tendulkar had been as much a victim of Warne's guile as of his own daring. He drove his first ball with scorching power past the bowler. But the fifth dipped as he rushed forward, and turned to take the edge of his flailing bat; Taylor completed a marvellous slip catch. In the second innings, however, when Tendulkar scored his third and highest century in seven Tests against Australia, he was as severe on Warne as on the rest. Warne followed up his first-innings four for 85 with a deflating one for 122. Tendulkar's belligerence was awesome and his shot-placement enthralling.

Both sides batted erratically at their first attempt. After an opening stand of 122 between Sidhu and Mongia, three Indian wickets went down for eight and the last five for ten. They were saved because Dravid batted four hours and built respectable stands with Azharuddin and Kumble. On a bare pitch of little pace, the quick bowlers could only contain. But it readily offered purchase to spin and was so generous with lift that Mongia was wearing a helmet to keep to Kumble by the second day. Warne and the tall debutant off-spinner Gavin Robertson skilfully exploited the batsmen's indiscretions. Each picked up four wickets; Robertson struck back admirably after being severely mauled by Sidhu in his maiden Test spell.

In reply, Australia stumbled to 137 for six: only Mark Waugh, who lasted three hours, batted with distinction. They were hauled back into the game by the indomitable Healy. He made a fighting 90, and put on 96 with Robertson, splendidly accomplished for a No. 10. They looked so much at ease as they set up a lead of 71 that the pitch seemed to have dozed off.

This impression stayed when India resumed on the third evening. Warne had already been softened up by Sidhu before Tendulkar came in at 115 for two. He and Dravid almost doubled that. Then, when Australia rather fortuitously prised Dravid out, Azharuddin joined Tendulkar to pound a wilting attack for another 127 runs in even time, a stand reminiscent of their epic in Cape Town 14 months earlier. In all, Tendulkar batted for 286 minutes and 191 balls, and struck 14 fours and four sixes.

Azharuddin's declaration gave Australia 15 overs on the fourth evening, in which India grabbed three wickets. Slater drove expansively at Srinath and played on; Kumble had Blewett caught at silly point; and Taylor bottom-edged a pull on to his pad and was caught on the ricochet.

These disasters extinguished Australia's hopes of winning. But a calm start on the final morning did raise their prospects for survival before four wickets fell for 42 runs. All four batsmen looked displeased and television suggested three decisions were harsh and the fourth dubious. The umpires did have a difficult task with the ball turning the fielders clustered round the bat; referee van der Merwe, who had reprimanded Mongia for excessive appealing earlier, took no action now, attributing the Australians' reactions to more disappointment.

But with seven down at lunch, Australia were sunk. Again, Healy batted as if to gag the proverbial fat lady; he was undefeated after an hour and a half when Kumble completed victory with his eighth wicket of the match.

Man of the Match: S. R. Tendulkar.

Close of play: First day, India 232-5 (R. Dravid 42*, A. Kumble 19*); Second day, Australia 193-7 (I. A. Healy 31*, S. K. Warne 13*); Third day, India 100-1 (N. S. Sidhu 55*, R. Dravid 18*); Fourth day, Australia 31-3 (P. R. Reiffel 0*).